Like in the movies...

It's ironic.Life is ironic lately. You know the situation where he is double crossing the girlfriend only once and immediately she knows?That doesn't happen in real life. In real life,guys can have two distinct wives,kids and houses without the two realities crossing paths.It's said that girls just know when the are being lied to. It's true,you get a weird vibe from your other half. That's when bells start ringing in your ear like an alarm. Or it should.But sometimes love makes you stupid. Guys aren't like that. Or if they are,they prefer to not know for certain the truth. Girls with a bit of smarts can have the same "cheating privileges" as guys. Actually we can outsmart them if we use our mind to think rather than with our heart,like we usually do.Men fake relationships,love and sometimes a whole life.Women just fake an orgasm,a pregnancy,and yes,also a relationship.

I've changed. I've changed so much,but I still have that ounce of humanity not to fake.I just don't care to get romantically involved.Apparently guys love that.I guess there is a bit of masochism in everyone. This past few months taught me that when I am down in the gutter,the only friend who will truly be able to help me is..me. So I feel like I time traveled in the past,before I was 18,back to square one. The only difference now is that I know that I can pick myself up from almost any situation.And I don't believe in people anymore. I don't hope for that big break. I've seen how people of the same age are in general,and I don't think that natural selfishness will go softer over the years in them. If people help you at one point,they will expect eternal gratitude or poke your eyes out with their help. And honestly, I would rather skip that if possible.

Soon I'll start a new chapter in my life. Unfortunately, I know in the beginning I won't be able to make it on my on financially,but that only gives me more reason to double my efforts for independence. After all the disappointment I had with people,I don't care that much anymore about what whoever thinks of me. I just go with the flow.I try living as the saying :"Dream like you will never die,live like there's no tomorrow".
So I've made my choice. Now I'll have to live with it,accept it and move on.I'm dreaming of the time with no more drama in my life. It has been so much lately,it's getting ridiculous.

Iasi,here I come!

under construction

we pretend.most of the time we do it without even realising. we pretend we are happy with our life,with our friends,with the new house that has or not a white picket fence.
we pretend that it's ok if our dreams don't come true.that it's ok if we start again,even thought we might feel so damn tired we just want to die.we pretend that the things the loved ones say to us and about us when angry don't hurt us.
we always say"he/she didn't mean it,it's just the anger speaking."But let's face it,most truths come out exactly in that time.in the rest of the time they are too afraid of breaking the fragile equilibrium of the relationship that they chose to tune out all the things that bug them about us.
we pretend we could get a "happy ending" when everything around us is breaking apart. How delusional can we be not to see the damages of the small(or big)quakes in our lives. Small fractures that can knock out all the air out of the chest when they hit.
I honestly am sick of pretending that everything is ok with me,with everything around me,when sometimes it seems that death is better than all this. At least i won't bother people with my "selfish and opportunistic"way of being. I miss my old house. In this one i feel like i'm vising a friend and staying the night.
And I'm lost...

'Tis the season...

It's Christmas time again...Stepping back from the center of my life,i realize how things have changed since last Xmas.My parents finally start seeing me as an adult,I'm one semester away from graduating university...damn I'm getting old:) New year's just around the corner,so i have to draw the line for 2009 and see what adds up.
First,it's true what they say: the ppl you have next to u for NY are gonna be there with you the next year. Last year i spent New Year's with Andrei.This year,I'll be with him again,apart from my friends. I guess it doesn't matter where u spend the holidays.It matters with whom you spend it with.

This year I did a lot of things i thought I wouldn't do: I traveled alone to a foreign country(and I didn't even know the language spoken there), I used a telesky even though i am terrified of heights,I changed two jobs and made a lot of plans for the summer of 2010. I guess traveling alone in Romania(or abroad) made me more independent and confident I can manage myself in a new country totally alone. I have only a few months of living in Romania,so I have to think seriously about the new development my life will have and how this will change other ppl's lives.

From January a lot of things will stress me out: family, job, school(mostly), money...But if I stay on my feet in the end it will be all that counts. And I am so grateful for the friends I have now. I lost some along the way,but i gain new ones. I have the feeling that these friendships will last the test of time. Cause in the end,a friend will stick around through thick and thin,not run at the first sign of unhappiness. So I'm not sorry for the friends i lost along the way,especially from October,cause this made me realize they either need to grow up or get out of my life. I also realized real friends will be around you in difficult times at least in spirit,if physically is impossible.

So thank you for all your understanding and support! You are the family I chose too have.

Merry Christmas to all! May you be happy,healthy and young spirited all year long!

Happy Birthday to me!

So many things can change you. Today i started the day drinking champagne..(it was my birthday not long ago:) ). After a night to remember,that started as boring,then the police showed up,and ended in the club and kisses. This shows that life is always surprising. I tried so hard to be sane,and ended up being a 15 year old(or so that's what ppl say:) ).I figured out who my friends are,how to enjoy life to the fullest..and enjoy what good things life gives u.Like a boy...it's better this way,less wrinkles for me:).I'm lucky i met these people now.Even though some leave,they won't leave my mind and soul. Now i feel truly young.At my b-day party i had almost all the nations:Portugal,Romania,China,USA,Japan,Germany, Turkey,Brazil, Spain,Jamaica,Georgia.It was fun..And friends who weren't there physically ..but still present by spirit. I learn Portuguese day by day.
Allan sang me the most beautiful song:Leoni-Garotos This will be always your song,Allan! And now i know who i can trust to be my friend(s). So..thank you all..with good and bad..this is my life!

Goodbye Coco

"No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why "



The other day i found out that one of my friends passed away on the 21st. Cancer took him at the age of 23. When i found out that he died,i thought i was so damn selfish.We didn't talk so much in this passed year,because we were both so busy,so centered on our own lives that we forgot about our friendship. I am ashamed that i forgot about you Coco,and now it's too late to change that.
I remember how I was 17,he was 18, we were talking by messenger and saying"oh,how i would like to meet you in person" cause we were so much alike.He was one of my best friends.We both listened to Luna Amara,he comforted me when i was down and crying and i was calling him a "bursuc" as a sign of affection.He used to call me "Arici"(hedgehog). I was young and stupid and I had issues,and he was there for me.I was there for him when he needed a friend to talk too. He was the first person to tell me about AIESEC,he was so happy he got accepted into the organization.Now I feel ashamed I wasn't there for u Coco when u needed a friend,that i didn't know sooner about your health problems.
The best moments we shared when I visited Sibiu for the first time,and you showed me around,and it made me feel so happy and free.Like a child.I was so happy,excited that i was finally meeting you.
I will always remember you,and your smile...Thank you for being my friend.

Rest in Peace,Coco!

About me

These two tests are courtesy of www.Kudika.ro and they are translated from Romanian. Enjoy!:)

Quiz: What element of the zodiac defines you?

Air - You have the gift of speech: communicative and organized in thinking and, furthermore,you have good ideas and arguments that support them. You are sociable, life of the party, and everybody knows why they gravitate around you - you have the talent to say exactly what it takes, when and to whom you should.


You have lots of friends because you don't bear to "burn the bridges" created with minuteness. When it comes to your own incentives, they are less related to the emotional side but more on the intellectual -you are on the wavelength that creates lasting friends, although you can fold on other kinds of issues, without much trouble. You shine, as a cup-of-coffee-philosopher!


Quiz:Are you easy to read?

Comedy is your effect on others

You like to laugh and to make the others laugh with you. No matter how sad or how heavy the sky appears tomorrow,you always succeed to identify the worst point and laugh at him. Therefore travel through life laughing.

For you there is no drama but comedy in perspective. Therefore you manage to pass safely over the moments of suffering.You consider that every action, be it good or bad, you learn something.No matter the results, at least you managed to laugh a little.

Your secret is faith in life and that you not take yourself very seriously. Bad things, like good things come and go but you stay with experiences which enriches you.Even if you do not always like to admit, you're an optimistic person.

As for others, everyone admire for your sense of humor and that you are one of the few people who have the courage to say what the rest think (and are afraid to say).

Title coming soon....

I'm tired but i can't sleep now.If i sleep during the day,i won't sleep at night. So I chose to watch "Gossip Girl" instead.It's a new season,the third I think. Anyway,during episode 2 I had an "AHA" moment,and after that i felt like I've been a jerk to some people i care about. Backtracking on my last days,I realize that in any moment my life is going to have an 180 degree turn to the worst. "Might have" is a better way of saying for now. I discovered that money can and will "kill". I realized I took so many things in my life and my house for granted.Things that can go away tomorrow or in a week. I quit making long term plans,cause i don't know what tomorrow might bring.It's like the "Damocles Sword" over my head. If it falls,it will fall over all my family,changing all our lives radically.
But that's not the point here.*And no,i don't want to talk about it. At all.*
The point is that I have to apologize to the people i judged for failing school.Sometimes you can't understand other people's situation until you are faced with it. It took me so long to imagine myself in Catalin's situation..and I feel so bad about it. He had a hard life so far,and here I come all high and mighty on my princess horse and judge him for failing one study year,so he could work and maintain his family. I'm truly sorry for that Catalin!
I feel like a jerk to you.
It all surprised me so much,and after this past days I think i will change. Be stronger. Just in case i need to manage myself alone. So far i was "Mother Teresa" for anyone that needed me,caring less about myself. Now I will put myself first from time to time,although i might feel guilty,or find it selfish.But in the end,I can't live for others. I have to start living for myself.